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First published in Great Britain in 2017 by Black Swan
an imprint of Transworld Publishers
Copyright © Tammy Cohen 2017
Extract from They All Fall Down © Tammy Cohen, 2017
Cover design by Sarah Whittaker/TW
Cover image © arcangel/Christopher Grey
Tammy Cohen has asserted her right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.
This book is a work of fiction and, except in the case of historical fact, any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
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Version 1.0 Epub ISBN 9781473543669
ISBN 9781784162917
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Tammy Cohen is a journalist who writes for magazines and newspapers. She is the author of eight highly popular novels including The Mistress’s Revenge and The Broken. Her latest book is the thriller They All Fall Down.
She lives in North London with her partner and three (nearly) grown children, plus one badly behaved dog.
Chat with her on Twitter @MsTamarCohen
DIVORCE CAN BE DEADLY
Kate wants a clean break from her husband Jack. They can still be friends. She just doesn’t want to stay married to him.
But Jack doesn’t want a friend. He wants a wife. He wants Kate. And he will do anything to keep her.
Jack remembers his wedding vow:
Till death do us part
He always keeps a promise.
THE MISTRESS’S REVENGE
THE WAR OF THE WIVES
SOMEONE ELSE’S WEDDING
THE BROKEN
DYING FOR CHRISTMAS
FIRST ONE MISSING
WHEN SHE WAS BAD
THEY ALL FALL DOWN
and published by Black Swan
This is what you said:
It’s not you, it’s me.
You said:
I love you but I’m not in love with you.
You said:
I just need space.
You said:
Kids adapt.
This is what you did not say:
I’m sleeping with someone else.
But we made vows.
And I intend to keep them.
Till death do us part.
KATE: Wednesday morning,
three days after the split
‘There’s no ham! Mum, Ben ate all the ham.’
‘I did not! I haven’t been near the fridge.’
‘Liar!’
‘Enough now, you two.’
Kate glares at her two children, trying to look stern.
‘Look, this sneaking food from the kitchen all the time has got to stop. Yesterday there were no crisps for packed lunches. And last week you ate all the KitKats.’
‘But I didn’t …’ Amy’s eyes are round with outrage, but Kate ignores her.
‘I don’t care who did what, just pack it in. OK?’
The kids leave the room, still arguing. Kate hears Ben’s heavy footsteps pounding up the stairs. When did he get so big? Almost a man now. She selects a playlist from her phone and slots it into the speaker. Still such a thrill to be able to listen to what she wants, when she wants. She hums along as she washes up the breakfast things. She’s forgotten about the missing ham.
When was the last time she felt this happy?
The blaring of her ringtone cuts through the music. Kate dries her hands on her jeans. She hasn’t been able to fit into these jeans for at least two years. Being able to wear them again feels like an omen, like the start of a new life.
‘Hi, Mel,’ she says, tucking the phone under her ear.
‘Are you drunk?’ asks Mel. ‘You sound drunk.’
‘No, just washing up,’ says Kate. ‘Having a dance.’
‘God help us. I’ve seen you dance.’
Kate laughs. After so long living with Jack and his constant put-downs she has grown to hate being teased but with Mel she doesn’t mind so much. One of the perks of being best friends for twenty-five years.
‘How’s it going?’ Mel wants to know.
Kate knows that what Mel is really asking is how are things with Jack. She glances at the kitchen door, which still has a hole where Jack punched it. Then she walks over and closes it – to be on the safe side. Then she sighs.
‘Oh, you know. One step at a time. At least it is all in the open now. He’s getting it at last. That it’s over.’
‘But you still haven’t told him about …’
Again, Kate glances at the door. Even though she knows Jack isn’t there.
Old habits die hard.
‘God, no. He’d go mad. You know what he’s like. It’s early days. We still need to work out the details of the split. Where he will live. How often he will have the kids. How much he will give us. God, I wish we had the money for a clean break. If only he could get his own place. Then we could start living our own lives and I wouldn’t have to tiptoe around him all the time.’
‘Just take care, hun, all right?’
After the phone call, Kate tries to get back to the good mood of before, but Jack is like a black cloud hanging over the kitchen. How strange to think that there was once a time when just the thought of him made her light up inside.
She thinks about the first time they saw this house. Her and Jack. The kitchen was all brown then. It was really ugly.
‘I’ll make it nice for you, I promise,’ Jack had said.
That first night after they moved in she sat on the stairs and cried. Refused to set foot in the kitchen. But he was as good as his word, coming home from work and changing into old jeans to slap on fresh paint and chip away at manky tiles. It wasn’t perfect. Jack was always in such a hurry. And then there was that temper of his. The shouting that went on when things went wrong. Never at her, mind.
Not back then, anyway.
There’s a noise on the stairs and Kate’s chest gets tight. Silly. She knows it isn’t Jack. Just one of the kids coming down. Still, it takes a while for her heartbeat to get back to normal.
The thing is, they were happy in those early years. Broke, of course. But that didn’t matter so much then. They had rows, like everyone does. But making up was always such fun. Then came the kids. And there was never enough time. Or sleep. Or money. And Jack was always in such a bad mood.
She had tried. No one could say she hadn’t.
And now she is entitled to a little happiness.
Her little bit of happiness is called Tom. Thinking about her new boyfriend Tom gives her a little glow of pleasure. They have been seeing each other for a few weeks now. In secret. Everything about him feels new and unspoiled. The way he says her name as if he is rolling it around on his tongue like fine wine. The feel of his fingers on her skin.
But now she sees Jack’s face in her mind, and guilt rolls over her like a wave. She reminds herself that she and Jack are separated now. She has been upfront and honest.
To a point.
With someone as quick to anger as Jack, there is a limit to how honest you can be.
Amy bursts into the kitchen.
‘Have you seen my yellow top? It went in the wash ages ago and now I can’t find it.’
Kate doesn’t like the way Amy speaks to her these days. Amy does not want her mum and dad to split up. Kate can understand that. And it doesn’t help that Jack puts the blame completely on her.
‘It’s not what I want,’ he’d told the kids when they first broke the news three days ago.
Kate had been upset by that. She had wanted them to put on a united front – for the sake of the children. Instead, she’s been painted as the bad guy. After everything she did to try to save the relationship.
‘I have no clue where it is,’ she tells her daughter.
The words come out sounding harsher than she meant and Amy turns on her heel and flounces out, slamming the door behind her.
Kate stares after her and sighs.
Kids adapt, she reminds herself. They will come round, sooner or later. And it is not as if Ben and Amy are little any more. At fifteen and fourteen they are so wrapped up in themselves they hardly notice anyone else. She has been a great mum to them. Just as she was a great wife to Jack – until now.
She deserves to be happy.
A Taylor Swift track comes on. Jack could never bear this song and would always switch it off if it ever came on the car radio.
Kate turns up the music as loud as it will go.
JACK: Wednesday evening,
three days after the split
I have a book open in front of me but still I watch you from the corner of my eye. You have lost weight. But the thing is, you didn’t need to. You always looked lovely to me.
I remember the first time I saw you. Your red hair was tied up in a ponytail and you had leggings on and trainers. You and your friend Mel had come straight from a step class at the gym. Called in for one drink before heading home, you said.
Just one drink. That’s all it takes to change the course of a life.
Two lives.
I was with my brother, Matt. ‘That’s the one,’ I told him. ‘That’s her.’
You hadn’t even had a shower after your class. I could smell you. I could always smell you.
Some people don’t believe in love at first sight. They think love is something that creeps up on you softly, like old age. Until one day it strikes you – ‘Oh, this must be love.’ I pity those people. When I saw you across the pub, love hit me around the head like a sock full of ball bearings.
After that, it was as if I had always known you. We did everything together. Like there was an invisible chain linking one to the other. I told you I loved you a week after we met. And moved in with you after a month. You weren’t a hundred per cent sure at first, and Mel had her nose put out of joint when I was there every morning in my dressing gown. But she soon gave up and moved out of your flat. And then it was just the two of us. Always.
How can you have forgotten all that?
You glance up and I instantly look away. Then I am cross with myself. As if it makes the slightest bit of difference. You can’t see me. I don’t exist for you any more.
‘Ben, how many times do I need to tell you? No texting at the table.’
When you frown, a deep line appears down your forehead. You used to hate your lines and stand in front of the mirror stretching your skin back so it was as smooth as it used to be. But to me, your lines were beautiful. A map of the journey we have been on together over the last sixteen years.
‘You can talk,’ says Ben. ‘Your phone is almost glued to your hand.’
Ben shouldn’t be cheeking you. In the past, I would have jumped in. Made him say sorry and show some respect. But now I sit here saying nothing.
Your cheeks flush pink as you slam the food down on to the table.