Choosing a name for your baby has never been easier
This updated edition of the bestselling baby names guide is full of inspirational names for your child. Including modern names and variations, plus classic names that have stood the test of time, you are sure to find the ideal name for your new arrival.
Siobhan Thomas is a copywriter and senior editor for the UK’s largest baby names website, babynames.co.uk. She oversees the thousands of articles, new name suggestions and discussions in the site’s popular community forums. As well as being interested in the history and meaning of names, Siobhan is particularly drawn to how names follow trends, different people’s associations with names and how divisive the subject can be!
For Erin, Cora & Austin xx
Congratulations! You are about to have a baby, or perhaps you have decided to start trying. Whether it’s your first child or another in your ever-extending family, this is an incredibly exciting time for you and your partner. In the midst of all the practical things you have to think about – the cot, the buggy, the nappies – choosing your baby’s name can be a wonderfully enjoyable experience to share as a couple. You and your partner are like every other parent – you want to start off your baby’s life in the best possible way, and finding the right name is an integral part of this process. It is my aim in this book to present you with a variety of names so that you can pick exactly the right one to bestow on your child as he or she embarks on life’s great journey.
We all know why a name is important: a name defines a person, it distinguishes them from everybody else, and it is also the first impression that they make on other people. When you choose your baby’s name you are deciding on what their most prominent form of identity will be for the rest of their lives. A name can have strong social connotations, and can be an indication – deliberate or otherwise – of class, age and ethnicity. For example, many people would assume that a man named ‘Rupert’ is from an upper-class background, that ‘Jean-Pierre’ is from France and that ‘Beryl’ is an elderly lady. Society is growing ever more culturally diverse, and the pool of names to choose from is becoming increasingly rich and varied – with unique and unusual names becoming de rigueur – you might want to follow this trend or choose something more traditional. It’s completely up to you, but there are a few pitfalls that you may want to avoid, and I’ve highlighted these in the book.
If all of this sounds like too much pressure, then take a deep breath and relax. Even if you don’t have an exact name in mind right at this moment, you probably already have a fair idea of the kind of name you want your child to have, be it classic or contemporary, fashionable or unusual. While finding the perfect name for your baby can be a challenge and feel like a huge responsibility, it is also a great deal of fun. Most expectant parents can’t resist daydreaming over the one word (or two if they go double-barrelled!) that they will use every day from the baby’s arrival – whether it’s getting to know them in hospital, teaching them to kick a ball, picking them up from school or giving them away at their wedding!
Originally a copywriter in the corporate world, I had never found the selection of words an emotional process. But then it came to naming my first child.
Having been – as some others perceived it – burdened with the traditional Irish name ‘Siobhan’, I was only too aware of the impact this decision can have over the lifetime that follows. Whether it was being forced to repeat the spelling over and over to bewildered classmates in primary school – ‘Yes, I said b h a n …’ – or developing a tolerance to the many imaginative nicknames that emerged during my teens, my name was to firmly stamp its bold Gaelic mark on my upbringing. And do you know what? I liked it.
So when I woke up one morning during pregnancy to find that my usually charming husband had scrawled ‘This is a chuffing joke, right?’ alongside the name Fionnghuala on our baby names list, I was somewhat annoyed and confused. He went on to announce that, ‘No child of ours is going to be lumbered with a silly Irish name that is impossible to spell.’ His opinion on Gaelic names was news to me, but perhaps he was right? Perhaps using your imagination when naming your child is nothing more than an act of personal indulgence? Perhaps the sensible thing to do is to keep it simple and predictable?
Over the weeks and months that followed I searched for inspiration, debated names with my husband, made casual suggestions of names to my friends and family and watched them closely for their reactions – just as you may be doing right now – and in March 2010, Erin Rose Thomas was born. She was followed 18 months later by her little sister, Cora Elizabeth Thomas. Still intrigued by the process, I applied as a copywriter for the UK’s largest baby names website, babynames.co.uk, and went on to become senior editor, overseeing the thousands of articles, new name suggestions and forum discussions that take place every day.
After the success of Best Baby Names for 2013 and then 2014, 2015, 2016 and 2017 I have done a number of television and radio interviews and working in this field has become an even greater part of my life. Baby number three came along at the end of 2014 and I can’t say that all the research made finding a name any easier! Like many of you will find, my inspiration was borrowed (some might say stolen) from someone I met at a work function who mentioned his son’s name in passing. I clocked it straight away and couldn’t shake it. It may have been a well-known rugby connection that swung it for my husband (thank you Mr Healy) but Austin was decided upon from that moment and I didn’t consider another boy’s name. I’m often asked what we would have chosen for a girl and to be perfectly honest we had nothing up until the last minute, and even then it was an undecided shortlist that included the names Thea, Seren and Orla. I think being so sold on Austin made it harder to find a girl’s name because I was hell-bent on finding one I loved as much.
This book is the result of several years’ hard work with many edits made since the last edition. There are more than 8,000 names within these pages, each representing different things to different people. I’ve enjoyed putting it together, but equally we have enjoyed using it ourselves in the quest to find the right names for our own children.
This book isn’t intended to be read from cover to cover and it’s unlikely that a quick flick through will immediately provide you with one girl’s name and one boy’s name, ready to go. Simply reading the A–Z of names is rarely an effective or enjoyable means of finding a name. You will probably lose concentration quite quickly and some good contenders might pass you by. Some people find when reading a long list of names that it is the unsuitable or amusing ones that jump out at them, rather than those that they may actually like. Conversations easily descend into competitions for finding the worst name: ‘Let’s call her “Pencil”!’ Believe it or not there are some name books out there with more ridiculous suggestions.
The key to reading through the names is to browse. Take small sections of the book, perhaps give yourself a couple of days to look through one or two letters of the alphabet. Stick markers in, make notes in the margins (it’s your book!) or jot down a list of your favourites and get your partner to do the same. I also recommend using different coloured highlighters and marking up your favourites. We tended to have very different ideas on names in the early days and it can be hard to find common ground, but there will be something you can finally both agree on – hopefully without too much arm twisting! Provided your environment allows it, try saying the names out loud – you’ll find they sound completely different than when you say them in your head.
Part One of the book offers some guidance when it comes to recognising various drawbacks with names, how to come to agreement with your partner, whether or not you need worry about other people’s opinions and where to look for ideas.
Part Two offers inspirational lists of names of people from a whole range of categories – sportspeople, fictional characters, actors and actresses and even mythological names. Reading through these is a great way to find new ideas and to see names in a different light.
Part Three is an alphabetical list of names for boys and girls. You can use this part to peruse names but also use it as a reference tool. As you come across names that are of interest, you can come back to the book to look them up and check spellings, meanings and pronunciations.
Just remember not to treat this task as another unwelcome addition to your ‘To-Do’ list, and have fun choosing your child’s name – you only get to do it once for each baby! With this book in hand I hope that you will relish the challenge and enjoy the task of naming your little one.
Finding the Right Name for Your Baby
We all want to give our babies a ‘good’ name as they’ll keep it (we hope) for the whole of their lives.
In order to make your search for this name a little bit easier, let’s get a few things straight. Choosing a name is entirely subjective and there hasn’t been any name that has been universally accepted as ‘good’ or ‘nice’. You might think one name is ‘perfect’, but someone else may not like it at all. And that’s a good thing, or this naming business might be somewhat boring! It is also important to remember that this is not a search for the one and only ‘right’ name. The choice of names is virtually endless; there is always more than one possibility for your baby. So keep an open mind and don’t lose heart if something gets in the way of your dream name.
Of course, while opinions will always be divided to some extent, it is easy to predict whether certain names, or types of names, will be accepted as ‘good’ names by the majority of people. Names that have remained popular through generations, such as William or Elizabeth, will come in for little criticism. Unusual names, such as ‘Blade’ or ‘Cruz’, are more controversial and often meet more resistance from friends, family and the wider public. There was a raging debate on the baby forums when the Beckhams named their daughter ‘Harper Seven’ and when Beyoncé and Jay-Z called their baby girl ‘Blue Ivy Carter’; some people loved these unique and audacious choices for names, while others disagreed, saying that they were too self-consciously unusual. You probably also have an opinion! Most people would agree that a name that blatantly leaves itself open to playground bullying, such as ‘Geronimo’ or ‘Fanny’, would be unfair on the child – but nevertheless there is an increasing trend for the unorthodox when it comes to naming new babies. If you fall in love with an unusual name, don’t let others change your mind. While it may take friends and family some time to get used to, they’ll soon associate the name with your baby and in no time at all it will stop feeling strange to them and start to feel treasured – it will become part of your child. Many a grandparent has been heard to say ‘I wasn’t sure about it at first but now I love it!’
What defines a good name is different for everybody, but there are some common criteria that many people look for. The days of sweet maidens and knights in shining armour may be long gone, but old-fashioned differences between our aspirations for girls and boys still influence our choice of names today. With girls’ names, many parents still say that they are seeking something ‘feminine’, or ‘pretty’. For boys, parents often say they are looking for a ‘strong’ name. Of course, that isn’t to say that a girl’s name can’t be pretty and strong, or a boy’s name can’t be gentle without being weak. And, of course, there are plenty of names that are widely used for both sexes.
Cultural and religious traditions or superstitions can also define a ‘good’ name for people. In some cultures, such as Greek Orthodox, the name of a new baby is often determined by the father’s name; having a ‘Junior’ in the family has long been associated with Americans too, but it has become much less popular there in recent years as parents seek out more unique names. Elsewhere names are determined by a whole host of factors: a baby girl, born at the end of the week to Ghanaian parents, might be called ‘Afia’, which means ‘born on a Friday’; many Native American names are drawn from nature (direct translations include Rainbow and Butterfly); and African cultures often draw on their aspirations for their children, using names such as ‘Prosperity’ or ‘Beautiful’.
For those who have had their children’s names ready and waiting before their babies were even conceived, the pressure is off – unless you change your mind, of course! In theory, there is no rush – you have nine months to consider your baby’s name. You’d think that this would be long enough, but it isn’t always! Lots of people find that their baby is in their arms before they have made up their mind. In fact, there are many parents who have their name options finalised well ahead of baby’s arrival, only to find that they change their mind after meeting their newborn. There is no need to panic if you aren’t ready to name the baby straight away. It is perfectly acceptable to give yourselves a little time with your new arrival to consider what name you are going to give them. Don’t feel under pressure from your friends and family who absolutely need to know what to write in the new baby card, or the grandparents who just have to have the name to tell their friends. This is your baby, and you’ll do it in your own good time! Cuddle them, talk to them, try out your shortlist (and any others that come to mind) and you’ll soon find a name that feels right for your baby. However, do keep in mind that in the UK parents are legally obliged to register their child’s name before they are six weeks old. But this should give you plenty of time to decide!
Registering Your Baby
| When? | In the UK you are required by law to register your child’s birth before they are 42 days (six weeks) old. |
| Where? | Any register office, or in some cases the hospital where the baby is born. |
| Who? | If the parents are married at the time of birth or conception, either the mother or father can register the birth on their own. If they are not married then they can attend the appointment together or, if one cannot attend, there is a statutory declaration form that they can complete ahead of registration. The mother can also choose to register the birth on her own if the couple is unmarried. The father’s details won’t then be added to the birth certificate but may be able to be added at a later date. |
| Same sex couples can register a birth but male couples must get a parental order form from the court beforehand. For female couples the rules vary depending on whether or not they are in a civil partnership. Contact your register office for more information or visit www.gov.uk. | |
| If neither the mother nor the father can attend the registration it is possible for another occupant of the home, or someone who was present at the birth to register the baby – contact the register office for more information. | |
| Remember … | You will need to make an appointment in advance. Contact your local authority for more information on how to do this. |
| The child’s surname is usually that of either the mother or the father but, in cases where the parents are unmarried and the father does not attend the registration, it is possible to give the child an alternative surname. |
Finding a name for your baby might not be easy but it needn’t be boring or stressful. Start the process with an open mind. If you’re raising the baby with a partner, you’ll both need to give proper consideration to one another’s suggestions – don’t shoot each other down with an instantaneous ‘No!’ as this will result in frustration and less discussion on the subject. It is helpful saying names aloud to one another; a name you like might not work on paper for your partner, but when they hear it spoken it might sound more appealing – of course it may also sound less appealing, so be prepared for that too! Respect one another’s opinions on names. Avoid setting your heart on just one name too early; try to be flexible and listen to your partner’s suggestions and objections. A name that sounds perfect to you may have been the name of the bully at your partner’s primary school, and these associations can be hard to let go of.
It’s OK to be experimental. Don’t feel silly suggesting or trying out names that are a bit more adventurous than people may expect. If David Bowie’s alter ego Ziggy Stardust was your teenage idol and you fancy bringing the name back into your life, see what it sounds like! You never know – your partner may approve!
If you find that you have lots of name possibilities, or if your pregnancy or life in general is dulling your memory, then a list will help you to keep track of your ideas. It is particularly useful if you start considering names early on in your pregnancy. You may find that your attitude to some of them changes over time, and when you look back at the list a couple of months down the line you may be surprised at what you initially wrote down!
Another good way to make your mind up on a name is to imagine its use in different situations. Consider whether a name appeals to you when used on a toddler and when used on an adult. Can you imagine it being accepted in both the playground, and in the boardroom? Perhaps some names are more Mercury Prize than Nobel Prize, or more stuntman than clergyman. Of course, everyone’s opinions on this will differ, but thinking about names in this way might make a difference to your preferences.
Going Double-Barrelled
Can’t choose between two names? Do they sound good together? A surprising number of name combinations sound really good when double-barrelled, and the possibilities are endless. Girls’ names are more commonly hyphenated than boys’ names, but there are still lots of possibilities for both sexes. Rose and May are popular second names for girls (‘Anna-Rose’, ‘Lily-May’), Lee and James are quite common in double-barrelled boys’ names (‘Tommy-Lee’, ‘Tyler-James’). Other combinations that work well include ‘Emily-Grace’, ‘Mia-Louise’, ‘Thomas-Jay’ and ‘Alfie-Joe’.
It’s a creative way of making a name more interesting or to modernise an older name that you want to use. Hyphenating a double-barrelled name isn’t strictly necessary but without it people may confuse the second half of the name for a middle name. Experiment with combinations, but avoid hyphenating names with lots of syllables and stick to just two names!
Taking things on a step from name association, some babies are named directly after a family member. In some families it is tradition to name a baby after the father, or grandfather; in other cases, children may be named after a recently deceased member of the family. Sometimes people choose the name of an aunt, uncle or other person who they particularly looked up to or got on with, or who they feel was of significant influence on them while growing up. Of course, the delivery of a baby can be very special and emotional, so there have been babies who were named after the person who delivered them! It is probably sensible to have a ‘plan B’ though, just in case!
Once you know you’re having a baby, regardless of how important it is to you to find a name quickly, start paying more attention to the names that are spoken around you every day. It is a good way to pick up new ideas, to gauge the popularity of a name, to hear different pronunciations and nicknames, and sometimes it can help to dispel your existing feelings towards a name. For example, a name you always associated with a miserable elderly aunt might actually be the name of that pretty, cheerful and well-spoken newsreader you like – suddenly the name is more appealing. Likewise, a name you think is a little unusual may actually be coming back into fashion again.
Listen out for parents talking to (and sometimes shouting at!) their children out and about. When you meet parents with a newborn baby, ask them what he or she is called – just remember not to let on if you think they’ve made a dreadful mistake!
Here are some ideas for finding a completely random list of names to inspire you.
If you are a keen reader, cast your eyes back over your bookshelf and remind yourself of the various character names that featured in them. Or see our list of suggested names from well-known literature in our Inspiration Lists (see here).
You can also use the book in conjunction with the babynames.co.uk website. Here you can set up an account and save names to a shortlist that you can come back to as and when you like. You can also find further information on the current popularity of names, as well as suggestions for inspiration, including a random names generator. There is a huge community of mums and mums-to-be there, and discussions take place night and day on the subject of baby names. You can have a go at anonymously bouncing ideas off other people who are in the same boat as you, especially if you have decided not to divulge your potential baby names to friends and family.
When you’re done with taking this naming business seriously, you can always try the ‘Are you feeling lucky?’ approach with this book. Choose a page at random and get your partner to point to a name with their eyes covered. OK, this isn’t an altogether serious suggestion but you never know, it might find you a winner!
As already discussed, people’s attitudes and opinions on different names vary hugely. Your favourite name might provoke quite unexpected reactions when suggested to your partner or family. The strong, on-trend choice that you have in mind for your son is old-fashioned and dull according to your best friend. People can catch you unawares with their disapproval, insinuating that your choice of baby name is trashy, tacky or has unattractive connotations. Or worse, they think you’re joking and they laugh! How can it be that a name can evoke such different responses?
Opinions on names are formed by naming trends and personal associations, i.e., who you know (or know of) with that name. You may not even be able to recall where you have heard that name; it may have been in a film, a news article or a distant connection, such as a friend of a friend that you have heard about but never met. You may have formed an opinion on it as a result of this very vague association. Sometimes we form an opinion on a name based on its stereotypical image – perhaps you associate a certain name with the ageold ‘blonde bimbo’ persona, or maybe you think of another name as being ‘posh’ – appropriate only for the kind of character Hugh Grant plays in a romantic comedy film.
Often, however, our connections with a name are much stronger than this. If you grew up knowing a person, or there is someone frequently in the public eye – a celebrity or politician – then you may find that they are the first person to enter your mind when you hear it. Your impression of this person is likely to shape your attitude towards that name. Cameron is a unisex name that has been popular in the name charts for many years, and may previously have owed its popularity to celebrities such as Cameron Diaz. Since 2010, however, when David Cameron became Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, the name has had a more political connotation. Over the last year it has dropped 16 places to number 77 in the most popular boys’ names in England and Wales. If Cameron is the name that you absolutely have your heart set on, then this may not sway your decision, but many people might be put off by the political connection – or if they are committed Conservative Party supporters maybe they might be encouraged!
People cite a whole range of associations that have caused them to like, or dislike, a name. Sometimes these can sound trivial to other people but they can be hard to overcome for many of us. If you are a lover of musicals, the popularity of the name Oliver might surprise you if all this name makes you want to do is to burst into song or say ‘Please, sir, I want some more’. Another example is names of pets. For those who have never owned a pet or had much contact with one it might sound rather silly, but if you grew up with a spaniel called Tom or a moggy named Megan, the thought of the name on your newborn baby might seem like calling your child Spot or Patch!
Some of our personal associations with names can be more negative. When you put a name to your partner and they say ‘no’ because of a girl they didn’t like at primary school, put yourself in their shoes before you get frustrated. Childhood relationships can leave emotions etched into our memories forever, and nearly all of us can recall the name of the school bully. Unless someone else with that name has become known to you later in life, your personal feelings towards it are likely to be negative and you probably won’t want it for your baby. Other common associations with names that can put you off using them for your child can be names of ex-partners, or people you work with. Even if these are people that you like and get on with, it can often just seem unsuitable to take their name and use it on your child.
Popularity of a name also influences our attitudes towards it. There are notable trend cycles with names, and some names are seen as old-fashioned because they were more popular among our grandparents’ and great-grandparents’ generations than they are now. There are some names that haven’t been fashionable for several generations, such as Winifred or Walter. For many people, the more popular a name is, the more attractive it is – to a point. People can also be deterred by a very popular name. They may prefer to avoid their child having to be known by their first name together with their last initial to differentiate them from the other children in their class with the same name – for example, ‘Oliver T’ or ‘Olivia T’ (both very popular names in recent years). Of course, many parents who deliberately tried to avoid very common names will tell you that they were surprised at how many children with the name they chose for their baby suddenly sprang up from nowhere! This is particularly noticeable with your first child, as prior to having your first baby, you may have had little contact with young children (unless your job is child-related) and therefore you might be out of touch with what is currently popular. Teachers, however, often have the opposite problem in that they know so many children that they find it hard to find a name they like that they don’t already associate with another child! See popularity charts (here) for more information on what is popular now and has been in recent years.
Your baby’s surname will affect the suitability of his or her first name. Some combinations just won’t sound right to your ears. Try saying first names out loud with your last name – it is surprising how different a name sounds once it is paired with a surname. As with nearly every aspect of choosing your baby’s name, it is pretty subjective as to what sounds ‘good’.
While most first names are chosen on their own merit, some people adopt an intentional ‘style’ when pairing them with the child’s surname. Names that are similar to the surname are sometimes chosen on purpose – William Williams or William Williamson are examples that crop up more often in Wales. A somewhat extreme example of such a name combination is ‘Kristoffer Kristian Kristofferson’, a musician and actor famous in America, but this would be a step too far for most people.
Sometimes parents choose alliterative names such as Emma Edwards or Sebastian Summers. There are numerous celebrity examples of alliterative names, Janet Jackson, Lucy Liu and Lennox Lewis to name just a few. These are fine if you are naming your first child, but if you go on to have several more and want to continue the theme you could find the naming process becomes more and more challenging!
Surnames
In the UK, babies are able to take their surname from either their father or their mother, regardless of whether or not they are married. In married families, it is more common for the baby to inherit their surname from their father, but there is a growing trend for taking the mother’s name these days.
While it is a subjective matter, there are also some things you might want to avoid when pairing a name with a surname.
Unless you have the time or inclination to think about the issue of pairing a first name with a surname, you needn’t get too consumed with the subject. It can sometimes be easy to overthink these things. So what if you like the name ‘Rose’ but your surname is ‘Siddons’? Yes there are two ‘s’ sounds running into one another, and if you say it over and over again the name almost takes on a whole new sound, losing the separation between them. But be realistic, 99 per cent of the time she would be referred to by her first name alone, and the rest of the time her name would be spoken just the once, and nobody will think anything of it. Did you ever hear of Joss Stone being announced at an awards ceremony and think ‘That girl has an “s” at the end of her first name and the start of her surname’? The important thing is that you choose a first name for your baby that you like. Provided it sounds like a pretty good fit with the second name, doesn’t have any glaringly obvious rhymes or innuendos and the initials don’t spell out an obscenity, then the combination of names will be perfectly acceptable.
The name you give your baby, how it is spelt and how it is pronounced is entirely down to you. If you want to call your baby ‘James’, but spell it ‘Jaymes’, that is your decision and nobody can stop you.
The subject of name spellings can provoke a hot debate. It is understandable that some people decide to alter a traditional spelling of a name in order to make it more unique or more interesting, but at the same time you should consider what issues this might present in the future. Is it likely to result in misspellings, mispronunciations and questioning over its origin for the rest of the child’s life?
While new spellings can be ridiculed for their simplification of traditional names, old-fashioned spellings are criticised sometimes for being confusing (particularly Gaelic names from Irish or Scottish traditions). Names such as ‘Ciaran’ are familiar to many of us, but when written down, the spelling can surprise people. More extreme examples of tricky Gaelic names include ‘Fionnghuala’ or ‘Aoife’ – but many people enjoy having a less obvious name spelling. And perhaps it is more widely accepted when your unusual name has a cultural tradition that you can explain to other people, so that you cannot be accused of having a ‘made-up’ name.
If the difficult original spellings of popular names are an issue for you, then you may choose to use an anglicised or phonetic spelling; ‘Neve’, for example, is becoming an increasingly popular spelling of the classic Irish name ‘Niamh’. Consider your reasons for simplifying a name, though. We live in an ever-more diverse society, where names from different cultures are being introduced all the time. The assumption that a name that is a little unusual or hard to spell will cause significant problems for that child growing up might be exaggerated. Perhaps we should assume a greater level of intelligence and acceptance on the part of others!
Pronunciation of names can vary, and some people have strong views as to the correct way to pronounce certain names. Differences may simply be the result of different accents and dialects, or even different nationalities – for example ‘Tanya’ where some people pronounce it ‘Tarnyah’ and others pronounce it ‘Tan-yah’. Even if the pronunciation of a name does seem obvious to you, it is worth double-checking, just to make sure you haven’t misunderstood it. That might sound unlikely but it does happen. In her teens, writer Caitlin Moran changed her name from ‘Catherine’ to ‘Caitlin’ after seeing the name in a Jilly Cooper novel. She believed at the time that the correct pronunciation was ‘Cat-lin’ and continues to pronounce it that way today – she says it has caused confusion for people all of her adult life!
If you are in any doubt whatsoever, do some quick checks on your name before making it final. Ensure you know what the popular or original spelling of that name is, and how it is commonly pronounced – regardless of whether or not you intend to follow suit.
There are no rules when it comes to what you can and can’t call children based on the names of their siblings. For some people it is important that their children’s names complement one another, while other people don’t give it much thought. When people talk about finding names that work they usually just mean that they sound OK.
However, as with pairing first names with surnames, there are some general dos and don’ts when it comes to drawing the line between endearing and eccentric, or amusing and absurd. Again, this is down to personal opinion.
There are no rules as to how many names you can give your child. The most common format in the UK is a first name, which is used for everyday purposes, and a second name (or middle name), which is used less frequently. Second or third (or even fourth!) names are most commonly used on official documents or registration forms and sometimes they are abbreviated to their first initial in signatures, for example ‘Siobhan E. Thomas’. If your child falls out of love with their first name then they may choose to use their second name in its place. This isn’t really the purpose of second or third names, but it is a common port of call for those who do change their first name.
From a parenting point of view, a middle name can be a useful way of including a ‘runner-up’ that didn’t quite make the grade for being used as the first name. Or it might be a way of including a family name that you would like to include for the sake of tradition or in memory of somebody but one that you are not completely happy with as a first name.
Put a name suggestion out there to everyone you know and you can expect to get the full spectrum of responses, from enthusiastic agreement to thinly veiled disgust. So think twice before publicising your shortlist. Given that you know it is unlikely that everyone will agree with your ideas, is it actually worth asking for their opinion? It can be surprisingly disappointing when others don’t agree with your choice.
If both you and your partner are going to be involved in raising this child, your opinions are the ones that matter. There are problems of course, especially where other people have expectations that you are going to use the name of a family member because it is a family tradition. But ultimately the name of a baby is down to his or her parents. It can be fun talking through name ideas with your best friend or your mum, but if you want to be open about your baby’s name ahead of their arrival, be prepared for other people’s reactions. If you think that negative comments might knock the wind out of your sails, keep the names to yourself.
When it comes to pleasing other people, what you must bear in mind is that once the baby has been born, their previous opinions on the name will really matter very little to them. The subject of names is much more divisive before the baby’s arrival. As soon as people get to know your child, most of them will forget their earlier associations; the name will become the baby’s – not the name of a character in EastEnders, a famous footballer or the lady that works in the post office. So, if you put the name ‘Jordan’ to your mum ahead of baby’s arrival, perhaps she’ll be quite plain about her dislike of the association with the former glamour model. However, once she meets her grandchild this association is likely to be quickly forgotten. The name will grow on her and the negative connotations in her mind will almost certainly diminish.
With a bit of luck, you and your partner may find that you agree on a name, or a list of names, quite easily. But what happens when you don’t? Do you stand your ground, refuse to discuss alternatives and make plans to sneak off to get the baby registered when they’re asleep? That wouldn’t be the best way to start your new life as responsible parents! Getting your hopes up for your ‘ideal’ name, only to be met with refusal from your partner can be disheartening or frustrating, it might even cause arguments. So how can you reach agreement?
If you feel that your partner is repeatedly rejecting your suggestions of names then perhaps you need to think about changing your approach. Firstly, consider exactly how you make your suggestions. Launching into a list of names at eleven o’clock at night, pouncing on them as they walk in the door from work or informing them in no uncertain terms that Trixabelle is the perfect name for your daughter is more than likely going to get you a ‘no’. Pick your moment – everyone has times when they are more open to discussing these things. You must also allow your partner time to consider a name. You may have been thinking about it all day and imagining it in wooden letters on the nursery room door, but they will need time to process and digest it too. So don’t expect an immediate response, just ask them to consider it in their own time.
Also, try to find out what it is about certain names that your partner doesn’t like. Are you repeatedly offering names with tricky Gaelic spellings that he thinks will make life hard for the child? Are you only coming up with long-winded, double-barrelled names that she thinks are too fussy? Understanding your partner’s reasons for rejecting a name will help you to find one that you both like.
If there is a name that you really love, and your partner refuses to agree to it, don’t push them too hard on the subject. You can’t (or at least you shouldn’t) force someone into agreeing to a name for their baby. If you are both going to be bringing this child up then it is important that you do things in agreement as much as possible from Day 1, and your baby’s name is the best place to start. It may be the case that you need to go back to the drawing board, but sometimes it can be possible to persuade your partner into thinking of the name more favourably. Avoid getting into an argument, but let them know that a name is a strong contender for you and that you would really like them to consider it seriously before writing it off altogether. If they have particular negative associations with that name then you could attempt to override these associations by pointing out other, more appealing people or characters that have this name. For example, if your partner dismisses the name Harry because of Harry Potter, point out that not all Harrys are associated with wizardry and wearing small round glasses – prior to Mr Potter the best-known Harry on screen was ‘Dirty Harry’, a different image altogether! So if you want to be more persuasive do a bit more research on the name you like and see whether you think the meaning, history or popularity of the name might help your partner to see it in a different light.
The powers of persuasion must be allowed to work both ways, of course! It is easy to become preoccupied with convincing your partner to accept a name that you are in love with. However, you need to be open-minded to their suggestions too. If there is a name that they would really like for your baby then don’t rule it out immediately. Keep it on your shortlist and give it a chance to grow on you – you may be surprised at how your feelings change, given some time.
Once you have fallen in love with a name you can become blinkered to its downsides – if it has any. There are some key points that are worth checking in order to establish certain associations or drawbacks to the name. If you find any, it doesn’t mean that you should discard it, it’s just better to know these things ahead of time. If Angelina is the name you have settled on, wouldn’t you rather you were already aware of the fictional world of Angelina Ballerina before your baby girl gets given three stuffed tutu-wearing mice as new baby presents?
As they grow up, the child’s name might evolve if they, or others, decide to use it differently. These changes can be a result of shortenings, nicknames or simply differences in pronunciation. It is worth considering the obvious possibilities with a name from the outset, so if the familiar form ‘Jimmy’ from ‘James’ really bothers you then you can either choose to avoid the name altogether or make a point of explaining to other people that you would prefer his full name used as much as possible. Of course, this might work with close relations, but be realistic about how much influence you are going to have over playground and sporting friendships in the future.
Changes to names come about in different ways. Names are often shortened and there are some very obvious examples such as ‘Dan’ from ‘Daniel’ or ‘Liz’ from ‘Elizabeth’. Many names have a familiar form such as ‘Bill’ from ‘William’ or ‘Maggie’ from ‘Margaret’. Of course, you may actually prefer some of these diminutives to their longer originals, so you can bypass the lengthy alternative altogether. For many years ‘Max’ has been much more popular than ‘Maxwell’, and recently ‘Thomas’ slipped down 4 places to rank 6 in the popularity charts while ‘Tommy’ has made a remarkable leap shooting up 91 places to rank 65. Other names have less obvious, or less frequently used, shortened forms. It is quite common for names of more than one syllable to be shortened informally to just the one syllable, especially by close friends and family. You might hear ‘Lucy’ affectionately shortened to ‘Luce’, or ‘Siobhan’ to ‘Shiv’. You can usually be sure that these nicknames weren’t the driving factor for choosing that name in the first place. They wouldn’t offend most parents but it is still worth giving a thought to how a name might be shortened in the future by other people.
Nicknames aren’t always the result of shortening a name or using its familiar form, and consequently they can be hard to predict. We all know of people who live with a nickname that forever prompts the question ‘Why?’ and the answer is often long-winded, nonsensical or ridiculous. In some cases, nobody knows how the nickname came about. Sometimes a name may originate from a story about that person (John ‘Two Jags’ Prescott), or from an aspect of their personality, hobby or job (David ‘Golden Balls’ Beckham). In these incidences all you can do is hope that if your child gets such a nickname, that it is tasteful and in good humour. Many people have nicknames that are short-lived, used for a period of their lives such as their time at college or university, or used only by their work colleagues or teammates in the sport that they play. You do come across people who have lived by their nickname for so long that few people actually know their real name any more, but in most cases people grow out of their nicknames in the long run – often to their relief!