Contents
Cover
About the Book
About the Author
Title Page
Dedication
Introduction
Chapter 1What is Baby-Led Potty Training?
Chapter 2The Biology of Toilet Training
Chapter 3When Should I Begin?
Chapter 4Getting Started
Chapter 5Nappies and Clothing
Chapter 6Day-to-day Practicalities of BLPT
Chapter 7BLPT at Night
Chapter 8Special Cases
Chapter 9The Importance of Community
Chapter 10The Impact of Developmental Changes at 6–12 Months
Chapter 11Getting Started at 6–12 Months
Chapter 12Childcare
Chapter 13Moving Towards Toilet Independence (12–18 Months)
Chapter 14Getting Started at 12–18 Months
Chapter 15Day Completion
Chapter 16Night Completion
Final Thoughts
Glossary
References
Resources
Index
Acknowledgements
Copyright
This ebook is copyright material and must not be copied, reproduced, transferred, distributed, leased, licensed or publicly performed or used in any way except as specifically permitted in writing by the publishers, as allowed under the terms and conditions under which it was purchased or as strictly permitted by applicable copyright law. Any unauthorized distribution or use of this text may be a direct infringement of the author’s and publisher’s rights and those responsible may be liable in law accordingly.
Epub ISBN 9781473503311
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Vermilion, an imprint of Ebury Publishing,
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Vermilion is part of the Penguin Random House group of companies whose addresses can be found at global.penguinrandomhouse.com
Copyright © Amber Hatch 2015
Illustrations copyright © Alex Ogg 2015
Amber Hatch has asserted her right to be identified as the author of this Work in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988
First published by Vermilion in 2015
www.eburypublishing.co.uk
A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library
ISBN 9780091955335
The information in this book has been compiled by way of general guidance in relation to the specific subjects addressed, but is not a substitute and not to be relied on for medical, healthcare, pharmaceutical or other professional advice on specific circumstances and in specific locations. So far as the author is aware the information given is correct and up to date as at March 2015. Practice, laws and regulations all change, and the reader should obtain up to date professional advice on any such issues. The author and publishers disclaim, as far as the law allows, any liability arising directly or indirectly from the use, or misuse, of the information contained in this book.
For all the babies and their families
who shared their experiences of BLPT with me.
I’ll never forget the first time I held my newborn baby over a potty. In fact, it was an ice-cream tub. It was 2008 and my baby was five weeks old. It was about seven in the morning. Like all new mums, I was tired; my baby, of course, had woken me up for milk a few times in the night. But the thing that had been really bothering me was the grunting and squirming that she had been doing on and off for the last couple of hours. It had happened for a few days now. Something was preventing her from settling into a deep sleep, and I was too keyed into her movements to ignore it and get back to sleep myself. I kept trying to feed her yet she wouldn’t latch on.
Then I remembered a technique I’d read about on the web a few days before – ‘elimination communication’ they had called it. So I found the ice-cream tub, and duly stripped off my baby’s nappy. I balanced her wobbly back against my tummy while I sat on the bed, and I supported her by her thighs over the tub.
I didn’t have to wait long. Within a few seconds the tension in her little body peaked and almost immediately a wee trickled into the tub. Wow. Somehow I hadn’t been expecting it, even though that’s why I was holding her. And then there was more – one big grunt and this time a bright orange poo squirted out into the tub, and I could feel all the tension in her body slip away. After I had scrabbled around for something to wipe her with – careful not to knock over the tub – I put her nappy back on and we snuggled down for a feed. This time, she latched on without a fuss and gently dropped off into a calm sleep. But by now, I was too excited to sleep.
Why had no one mentioned this before? Here was a technique that could help my baby feel more comfortable, and that could help me get more sleep. And it was so easy. And so fun! Surely every mum should learn this in antenatal classes? From that moment on, I was inspired to keep holding my baby out over the potty. The more I did it, and the more I learnt about the process, the more excited I got. Here was a method of baby care that was easy and practical, and I kept discovering more and more benefits.
I told everyone I knew: mums, dads, even people without children, even people I didn’t know. Some people got as excited about it as me; some thought I was a little crazy. But I didn’t stop there. Within a few weeks I had set up a free monthly support group for parents wanting to give it a go in Oxford. But I still felt that more people needed access to information about this simple method. It was the world’s best-kept secret, yet every parent had a right to know about it. At the time the only information on the web was from American websites. So I set up www.nappyfreebaby.co.uk to provide information to UK parents.
When my son was born in 2011, I had no hesitation about holding him over the potty within hours of his birth. Catching that sticky meconium (the first poo) in a potty was very satisfying. Now, having seen two children through from start to finish, and drawing from the experience of all the families I’ve worked with, I have a much broader perspective, and a wealth of knowledge. But still I’ve never lost the sense of excitement that came with that first ‘catch’.
I have seen this method used by mums in full-time work, by dads and grandparents. I’ve seen it practised just every now and then or even as a fully fledged, full-time alternative to nappies. I now know how flexible it can be. You don’t have to be any specific type of parent. Nor do you have to sign up to anything. You can try it once and forget about it; and if you’ve tried it out, it will be an informed decision.
In this book I will explain how you can introduce your baby to the potty and help keep him cleaner, drier and more comfortable. I call this method ‘baby-led potty training’ (BLPT for short), although we don’t focus on the end result – not for some time, anyway! In the meantime it’s a gentle and intuitive way of managing a baby’s waste.
The method can help you use fewer nappies, increase your parent–child communication and bypass some of the common pitfalls of delaying toilet training. You can also be ‘nappy free’. This term can cause alarm. However, when I say ‘nappy free’ I really mean this in a broader sense – free from 100 per cent reliance on nappies. Because baby-led potty training enables you to manage your baby’s waste in a clean and hygienic way, it is possible to bring your baby up completely nappy free if you wish. However, it’s also fine (and more common) to use nappies more pragmatically, with nappy-off times at certain periods. Or you can still use the techniques with your baby wearing a nappy between potty trips. All of these variations are fine, and will be explored in detail.
I’ll explain exactly what BLPT is and how it works in Chapter 1, along with the main benefits, and I’ll explain how practices have changed over time, and why. You can learn how the bladder and bowel function and develop in Chapter 2, plus what skills may be acquired at each stage. Chapter 3 discusses the pros and cons of different starting ages, and Chapters 4–14 provide a complete practical guide to getting started, keeping going and avoiding mistakes. I’ve dedicated Chapter 8 to special cases, which covers practising BLPT with multiples and if your child has special needs. If you are going back to work, Chapter 12 shows you how to incorporate BLPT into your childcare arrangements.
I also want this book to serve as a guide for those of you wishing to practise baby-led potty training right through to toilet independence. All too often, existing resources on the method fall short of this transition, leaving parents unsure of how to ‘finish the process’. Chapters 15 and 16 address this, showing you how you can help your child move from assisted potty trips to toilet independence, both day and night.
Dotted around the book you’ll find the stories and tips of many other parents who have practised BLPT. I found these anecdotes very supportive, useful and often inspiring. I hope you do too.
I’ve tried to keep the language as self-explanatory as possible, but in case you want to check any definitions you’ll find a glossary of the key terms at the back of the book. There’s also a resources section with suggestions for further reading, and websites with more information, including up-to-date lists of stockists of specialist BLPT equipment.
Please note that I’ve used ‘he’ for babies throughout the book rather than ‘he or she’, just for ease of reading and consistency. I opted for ‘he’ over ‘she’ as some parents think of boys as more difficult to potty train than girls; I didn’t want to add fuel to this myth. Both boys and girls are equally receptive to this method.
I’ve written this book primarily for parents, though I hope that anyone who works with or looks after babies will find it useful too. Below are some specific suggestions for how you might want to use the book, depending on the age of your baby or babies.
You will get the most out of the method (and this book) if your baby is younger than six months. In fact the younger you start, the better. If your baby is under six months, the best way to use this book is to read the first nine chapters straight through. If you are very busy (and what parent isn’t?) you may be tempted to skip ahead to Chapter 4, ‘Getting Started’. That’s fine, but I highly recommend you go back and read the earlier chapters as soon as you can. Knowing the theory behind the method will help you work with and understand your baby. After Chapter 9, you may want to put this book aside for a few weeks or months, until you are ready to read about the next stages of development.
Alternatively, you may prefer to read right to the end so that you have an overview of how the process will work from start to finish. That’s up to you.
You can skip Chapters 11 and 14, as they focus on getting started with an older baby.
If your baby is between 6 and 12 months, you can still reap the benefits of the method. You’ll need to read through the earlier chapters to understand how BLPT works. Although Chapter 4, ‘Getting Started’, is aimed primarily at nought to six months, much of the practicalities apply to an older baby too. I also provide specific details on starting between 6 and 12 months in Chapter 11.
Babies and toddlers who are older than 12 months can also make use of BLPT. As all families are unique, and babies acquire skills at varying ages, different families will find different sections of the book more relevant. If your child is older than 12 months, it’s still really important that you understand the theory behind the method, as explained in the first three chapters, but it’s likely that many of the techniques laid out in Chapter 4, ‘Getting Started’, will no longer apply. Chapters 5 to 9, however, are relevant throughout the 0–18-month period. Chapters 10 and 11, which focus on babies aged 6 to 12 months, may still be useful as there is often overlap between these age ranges. Chapters 13 and 14 should be especially useful as they focus on the 12–18-month period.
If your toddler is over 18 months, and has already been using a potty for some time, then Chapters 13, 15 and 16 will be particularly useful to you in helping your child make the transition to toilet independence. With the possible exception of the ‘Getting Started’ chapters (4, 11 and 14), the rest of the book also contains interesting and relevant information that will help you better understand your child.
Whatever stage your baby is at, I hope this book will empower you with the knowledge and the tools you need to try out BLPT for yourself. I want you to have a real choice about how you keep your baby clean. Enjoy your journey of discovery!
At the heart of the baby-led potty-training method is the technique of pottying: when parents actively encourage their baby to pass waste. A baby is helped into an optimal posture, in an appropriate place for urination or defecation, normally outside of his nappy. This can be done occasionally to settle a windy newborn or as a complete alternative to nappies, and anywhere in between. I’ll refer to this act throughout the book as both ‘holding your baby out’ and ‘offering the potty’; I use these terms interchangeably – you can decide which position, and what receptacle, is most appropriate at any given time.
You need to hold your baby over (or sit him on) a potty or other receptacle. Letting air get to the bottom area by removing the nappy triggers a reflex which helps your baby to pass wind, urine or a bowel movement. The position also encourages the release of the sphincters and pelvic floor. Your baby then defecates and urinates in the potty rather than in his nappy. You can learn to recognise when your baby needs to pass waste, and your baby learns to release his bladder and bowels at the right time, through association.
‘I really like that Sam very obviously “gets it”. It isn’t just timing, as some people have suggested. If I hold him and he doesn’t need to go, he still grunts and shows that he is trying and knows what it is all about. Also we seem to be able to do it part-time – as in the modern world with car journeys and other people not practising the same method, we need flexibility to use nappies sometimes.’
Leila, mum to Sam, five months
On one end of the spectrum, you can use this system as a full-time alternative to conventional nappies (although most families use some kind of nappy system as a backup, particularly in the first year). However, most parents use BLPT on a more casual basis, in conjunction with nappies. For example, your baby can wear nappies and you can offer the potty at change times or if he seems particularly uncomfortable. In fact, many families don’t think of it as potty training at all. You can also just use the method occasionally, for example when your baby seems to be having difficulty passing a bowel movement or when he has nappy rash, or in the first few weeks when your baby is unsettled.
Some families start with BLPT at birth and continue until their child is toilet independent, while others only use it every now and again. There will be different pay-offs roughly according to the effort you put in. So that you can see how BLPT might fit into your family, I’ve gathered a few examples of the many different ways you can use this method:
Caroline started BLPT when her daughter Zara was around two months. She found it really easy to recognise when Zara needed to wee or poo, so tried to get her nappy off whenever she thought she needed to pass waste – she would aim to ‘catch’ pretty much everything. Between potty trips, Zara generally wore nappies ‘just in case’ but for the vast majority of the time the nappy she was wearing was clean and dry. She normally had one or two wet nappies – or ‘misses’ – a day, which Caroline tried to change immediately. She rarely soiled her nappy. At around 10 months, Caroline found it easier for Zara to wear training pants or tracksuit bottoms. Occasional poo misses disappeared around 14 months. Although she still had the odd wee accident, Zara was generally dry from 20 months.
Becky didn’t set out to practise baby-led potty training, but she did want to offer her baby plenty of nappy-free time. Often, when she was at home, she would remove her son’s nappy so that he could roll around without it on his play mat. It made sense to her to offer him the potty beforehand. While he had his nappy off, she would offer the potty every half hour or so. He quickly learnt to use the potty and he would rarely wee (and never poo) on the mat. This made nappy-free time much more manageable, and encouraged her to do it for longer. She didn’t offer the potty at any other time. As he got older, there were stretches when she was busy and didn’t offer the potty at all. The practice naturally evolved into potty training, as she began to leave him without a nappy for longer and longer. At 18 months, he would reliably take himself to the potty at home when he was naked. She took him out of nappies for good just before he was two.
Lillian held her baby out/offered a potty every time she changed her baby, so around five times a day. She would often catch a wee at those times, and she probably caught about half of his poos too. Sometimes there would be nothing in the potty, and the rest of the time he was happy to use the nappy. Lillian was using cloth nappies and she found that this system made using them significantly easier, reducing the number of dirty nappies used. She continued this approach into his toddlerhood, and it became a gentle transition to toilet independence.
Jane used nappies normally, except she offered the potty whenever she noticed her baby straining to pass a bowel movement, which was once or twice a day. In this way she went for many weeks at a time without having to change a dirty nappy. Once her baby reached toddlerhood she was less interested in using the potty, and Jane offered it less and less. She potty trained easily at a conventional age.
Kristina first came across BLPT, when her baby was four months old. Her baby had not passed a bowel movement for six days. Although her health visitor had said it wasn’t a problem for breastfed babies, she was concerned because she knew her baby was uncomfortable. She had heard about BLPT so went along to a workshop at a children’s centre where they were explaining the method. At the workshop, she undid her baby’s nappy and held her on the potty for the first time. Within a minute her baby’s face went bright red and everyone heard the sound of a very large poo exploding into the potty. Kristina was much relieved – and presumably her baby was too. Kristina continued to use the technique every now and again, whenever she suspected that her baby was having trouble passing a bowel movement.
Mark and Kate’s baby girl started to suffer from colic when she was around three weeks old. During her crying spells, her parents would try anything to soothe her. Mark heard about BLPT from a colleague when his baby was five weeks old. Although nothing seemed to settle her for long when she was in her worst periods, Mark found that holding her in an optimal position for passing waste did help his daughter to expel gas and poo. This soothed her for a while – sometimes enough to enable her to fall asleep – and it significantly reduced the amount of time she was spending crying.
So you can see that BLPT can be used in many ways, to a greater or lesser extent. There is no one ‘right’ way to do BLPT. Some parents just use the technique when their babies are very little to help settle them. They may stop after a few weeks and then use nappies until typically they decide to potty train at a conventional age. Some parents start when their babies are sitting up. Some just aim to catch bowel movements. Every family will approach the method differently, and all of these variations are completely fine; the aim of this book is to give you the tools and the confidence you need to try it for yourself. Once you have honed the skill, you’ll get a feel for how much, and how often, is right for you.
There are four distinct outcomes of practising BLPT:
1. Less waste in your baby’s nappies
2. An increase in positive parent–child communication
3. More comfort for your baby
4. Your baby becomes accustomed to using the potty
These four outcomes lead to a diverse range of benefits, the most important of which I’ll cover now. Most of these can be experienced regardless of whether you hold your baby out just once a fortnight, or many times a day. You’ll start seeing gains straight away, and you’ll no doubt discover your own unique benefits too.
Perhaps the most obvious outcome of BLPT is that more of your baby’s waste will go straight down the drain. This means many benefits, including that your baby will use fewer nappies, and will spend less time sitting in soiled and wet ones:
Because BLPT can be very successful with bowel movements, many parents find that they rarely need to change a dirty nappy. Some parents just concentrate on catching poos in their baby’s first year. This is particularly beneficial to parents using cloth nappies; without poos there’s no scraping or sluicing the dirty nappy in the loo, no stinky nappy buckets, no need for nappy liners. It’s pretty good for disposable users too; I’m sure most parents prefer to avoid changing a dirty nappy if there is the option! And it certainly helps cut the financial cost of disposables.
‘I started BLPT when Max was 3 months, and he was done by 21 months. I caught virtually every poo in that time, so I must have saved over 500 dirty nappy changes. That’s about £100 saved in disposables, straight off – more if you count the wet ones – plus the fact he was probably out of nappies earlier.’
Adriana, mum to Max, three years
Exposure to urine and faeces, perfumes, detergents and wipes may all cause nappy rash. Experts agree that nappy-free time can prevent nappy rash. BLPT is a practical way for you to do that: there will be much less mess if you offer the potty beforehand. You may start to offer spontaneous nappy-free time immediately after your baby has used the potty too.
Some parents find nappy-free time impractical and they prefer to keep their babies in a nappy most or all of the time. BLPT can help avoid nappy rash in these circumstances too. Every time you help your baby wee or poo outside his nappy – whether that’s a few hours once a week or just at convenient times – you are helping his nappy stay cleaner and drier for longer, which all helps to prevent nappy rash.
‘I started BLPT out of desperation as my daughter was pooing so frequently she had developed really bad nappy rash. As this is now settled we use nappies most of the time but offer the toilet/potty during nappy changes and after sleeps. I hope to get the nappies off more after the winter when we have some warmer weather.’
Rachel, mum to Meagan, six months
BLPT can also make for a much cleaner and easier process too, as these parents found:
‘I used to have nappy explosions all the time. Once, when Arthur was a month old, I had to change his clothes four times during a trip to a café. After I started doing BLPT I never had any again.’
Sarah, mum to Arthur, 15 months
‘It’s always a shock to me when he poos in his nappy. Luckily it’s pretty rare! The clean-up process is so much quicker and easier when it goes straight in the potty. It’s more hygienic too.’
Danielle, mum to Jack, five months
‘Because my son (who is four months) can wee anywhere, I don’t worry about finding a change table for him. He so rarely poos in his nappy, and if it’s a wee I can just change him on my knee or even standing up. I use so few wipes and nappies that I don’t bother carrying a change bag around any more. I feel really liberated! I can’t remember the last time I had to carry a pooey nappy around in my handbag.’
Lisa, mum to Tom, four months
It’s not my business to guilt-trip parents into trying BLPT for the sake of the environment. The other benefits of BLPT are so striking that I would practise (and advocate) BLPT even if there were no ecological reasons. However, I’m sure you will be glad to know that BLPT also helps the planet.
Whichever way you look at it, nappies aren’t good for the environment. In the UK, 95 per cent of parents use disposable nappies,1 and 8 million are sent to landfill every day (where they can take over 500 years to break down).2 And nappies containing faeces release harmful greenhouse gases – methane is over 20 times more harmful than carbon dioxide.3 Eco-disposables are only ‘eco’ in the manufacturing of the nappy, so they don’t reduce landfill. You can lessen your carbon footprint and waste by using washables, but even these have an impact on the environment, especially if you buy new, wash at 60 degrees or use a tumble dryer.
With BLPT, solid waste tends to travel via the potty or toilet to the sewer, where it is treated along with the rest of our waste in a way that won’t release methane. And, of course, if baby hasn’t soiled or wet a nappy, then it won’t need to be replaced with a new one, so BLPT reduces the number of disposable nappies manufactured and sent to landfill, and reduces the amount of laundry if you use washables.
Perhaps the most important outcome of BLPT is the extra bond it helps create between baby and parent. The process opens up a whole new channel of communication, and families are delighted to experience the benefits this brings, which include the following:
It is so easy for an unsettled baby to make us feel powerless – is he hungry? Tired? Overstimulated? With BLPT you get instant feedback: is baby fussing because he needs a poo? – oh, yes, there he goes! This may not sound important, but actually it can be extremely empowering for a parent finding it difficult to understand their baby’s cries. And it often turns out that the sensation of a full bladder or bowel is the cause of previously unexplained fussiness. My own son was a rather unsettled baby in his first few weeks, and if he was crying I often found it helpful to hold him in the potty position before I tried anything else. I would get very quick feedback: either he would wee or poo within a few seconds (about half the time), and then he’d calm down, or (the other half) he would let me know very clearly that it wasn’t what he wanted! And then I would try the next thing on the short checklist – usually a feed. Even when I got it ‘wrong’, it was useful to be able to rule out a possibility so quickly.
‘By far one of my favourite benefits of BLPT is that it has demystified what happens in the hidden realms of the nappy. I stopped treating my baby’s bottom as a weapon to be ‘contained’ as quickly and efficiently as possible in a nappy – for fear of pee and poo attack. I got to hold my baby’s beautiful bare bottom and let him play as nature intended. I love picking him up, holding him close without worrying. Yes, we get occasional sprinkles, but it’s not a big deal and the joy eclipses the moment of wipe up.’
Tokozile, mum to Rudy, 11 months
Babies begin to communicate about when they are hungry or tired from birth – and it is well known that this cycle of communication and response between parents and babies helps them develop their language and social and emotional intelligence. However, babies can also communicate about sensations of bladder and bowel fullness, and responding to that leads to more positive interactions with your baby. This kind of effective communication gives babies a growing sense of confidence and also contributes to their language and social skills.
Breastfeeding is often cited as being a wonderful way to bond with your baby, but if it’s difficult, it can feel like a conflict at first. It’s really important for mums to get the support they need so they can breastfeed as long as they want. In the meantime, BLPT provides an ideal additional (and pain-free) opportunity to bond with your baby. And if you can’t breastfeed, either as a mum or a dad, then alternative opportunities for bonding will be even more important. Dads especially can sometimes feel left out or disempowered in the early weeks. BLPT is a great practical way for dads to get involved in baby care. Babies may show just as much satisfaction from a productive trip to the potty as they do after a good feed. This can feel very empowering for dads, especially when the instant feedback shows them they’ve ‘got it right’.
It may come as a surprise that, as well as reducing nappy rash, BLPT can help to alleviate other physical discomforts. By helping your baby into the squat position you are literally encouraging his body to perform more effectively. It is far easier to pass waste when in this position, and that can make all the difference between an inconsolable windy baby, and a settled, contented one.
‘My baby wasn’t gaining enough weight and she was refusing to latch on. I was at my wits’ end. My midwife saw her fussing and suggested I hold her in the squat position. She pooped! It turned out that she was ultra-sensitive to the feeling of a full bowel, and couldn’t feed properly until she went. Straight away she started gaining weight. I don’t know what would have happened if the midwife hadn’t suggested holding her like that. Started using formula top-ups, I guess.’
Caroline, mum to Elise, four months
Further down the line, parents will come to reap the benefits of another unique outcome: your baby will be used to using the potty. This will be extremely helpful when you want to help your child gain toilet independence. The transition is likely to be smoother and possibly earlier with BLPT.
Being accustomed to using the potty (even if only using one occasionally) will mean your baby doesn’t need to make that intellectual leap of understanding – What is the potty for, and how do I put anything in it? – nor do they find the idea unsettling. Babies will be used to recognising the sensation of a full bladder or bowel. They may even be so used to the potty that ‘potty training’, or completion, is so gradual and seamless a process that it seems to happen all by itself.
You won’t need to potty train your child at an arbitrary time, as your child will reach the various milestones in his own time, such as the ability to communicate the need to go in advance, the ability to delay urination for a few moments, the ability to sit on the potty without assistance and the ability to pull down his own trousers. Some of these milestones could be reached as early as a few weeks old; others, such as wiping himself, may take several years. By following your child’s natural development, you won’t be holding him back, nor will you be putting on too much pressure too early.
Recent studies have also shown that the actual act of using the potty helps to develop the bladder. Scientists found that babies who were already using the potty were more able to fully empty their bladder at nine months than babies who used nappies conventionally.4,5 Babies who had used the potty also seemed to have better control of their pelvic floor muscles as they had been practising holding and releasing the bladder and bowel from a very young age.
So if the benefits are so great, why doesn’t everyone do it?
Using a potty in babyhood isn’t a new idea. Across most of Africa, India, China, and many other countries including in Eastern Europe and South America, parents generally start helping their baby use a potty (or other appropriate place) in the first few weeks and carry on until their baby is toilet independent. In this way, most babies in the world are out of nappies by one, and pretty much toilet independent (both day and night) by 18–24 months.6 We used to do it in this country too. In the UK in 1958, a study of 5,000 mothers found that 85 per cent introduced a potty before six months, and 60 per cent started before one month. (Among professional parents, these statistics were even higher at 91 per cent and 74 per cent).7 It’s probably how your grandmother potty trained your mother.
‘I used to work with the elderly and when I told them what I did with my sons, they were not surprised as they knew all about it and shared their own stories. It was a nice way to connect with the older generation!’
Shyann, mum to Duncan, nine years, and Hamish, four and a half years
Two events in the early 1960s hugely impacted the future of potty training: in 1961 came the invention of Pampers nappies; and in 1962 Dr T. Berry Brazelton published what was to become his seminal ‘readiness’ paper, advocating a delayed start to potty training.8
Brazelton suggested that if parents used ‘early reflex compliance’ to keep their baby clean and dry in the early months, then it was likely that the child would go through a ‘period of lag and breakdown’ when the reflexes diminished, but before the child could display voluntary mastery. He was concerned that parents who did not understand about this ‘breakdown’ of ability (which can occur around 12 months of age) would put too much pressure on their child, leading to stress and regression. In order to avoid this, his answer was to delay toilet training until at least 18 months, when children may have the necessary skill level to manage potty trips by themselves. He felt that 24 months was usually the optimum age for initiation. (I’ll explain the different stages your baby will pass through, and specifically about the transition from involuntary to voluntary control in Chapter 2, plus more about the changes in children’s pottying abilities in Chapters 10 and 13.)
Brazelton charted the progress of 1,170 children in his practice, most of whom started potty training around 24 months of age, on his advice. Most achieved daytime control within four months. There was no control group of children who started training before 12 months, as would have been typical at the time, and less than 10 per cent of his group started before 18 months, so it’s hard to make comparisons. But the study suggested that later training was indeed quick and efficient, and the method quickly grew in popularity. Health professionals have advised parents to follow this method ever since.
Because of the advice from health professionals to delay, some parents wonder whether their baby is too young to start potty training and worry that they might put pressure on their baby if they do. The techniques that I advocate are always respectful of babies’ needs. BLPT is a very gentle method, where parents and babies work in partnership together. It’s certainly not about getting babies to perform, or to reach a certain stage before they are ready. In the past some early-potty-training strategies did use coercive methods, and so starting early got a bad press. This was why Brazelton advocated a delayed approach. BLPT offers another baby-friendly alternative: this time, offering your baby the chance to use a potty from birth, but in a gentle and responsive manner.
Whatever age you practise BLPT, there shouldn’t be any pressure on your baby, or, for that matter, on you. As you know your baby best, you should always look to yourself and your baby first when deciding on the right way to do things.
In the years running up to Brazelton’s paper, the disposable nappy industry was creating a product that seemed to take much of the work out of traditional nappying. When Victor Mills, who worked for Procter & Gamble, invented Pampers in 1961, the industry really took off. Nappy design was then improved and competition led to lower prices. The next major breakthrough was in the 1980s with the idea to include super-absorbent polymers into the nappy. These were an immediate success as they both reduced the bulkiness of the nappies and increased their absorbency. In developed countries, disposable nappies rapidly grew in popularity, with around 95 per cent of UK babies wearing them by the end of the century.9
Looking to increase their market share even further, industry leaders Procter & Gamble saw that delaying potty training would increase sales. In 1983 the company teamed up with Dr Brazelton, and funded a TV show, What Every Baby Knows, that he hosted.10 They also provided funding for his research and projects. Brazelton developed his ‘wait until they’re ready’ approach, which argued that children may not be ready for potty training until aged three or four. Later he became head of the Pampers Parenting Institute and was paid by Procter & Gamble to appear in numerous Pampers commercials.11
When Pampers launched their ‘size 6’ nappy in 1998 (for babies over 35 lbs or 16 kg, which is around aged three to eight years), Brazelton appeared in their TV commercial reminding parents that ‘it’s got to be his choice!’ When asked about this potential conflict of interests, Brazelton told The New York Times that he was proud to work with Pampers. ‘It took me a long time to decide to do it, but I’m absolutely convinced that it was a wonderful thing to do,’ he said. ‘I’m certainly not doing it to keep kids in diapers. It’s just the opposite: Pampers is willing to go along with me to make it easier for mothers to let kids be open to toilet training when they are ready.’12
Subsequent childcare experts, such as baby-centred author Penelope Leach, reinforced Brazelton’s advice. In her 1977 and 1988 editions of her book Baby and Child, Leach felt that what she called ‘potting’ (i.e. helping a young baby to use the potty) was popular enough for it to be necessary to advise against it. She suggested that while it is ‘harmless enough’ at around age seven months, when a baby gets mobile, conflict may arise. (This is indeed something we need to watch out for – I’ll tell you how in Chapter 13.)
Baby and Child was the childcare manual my mother referred to when bringing up my sister and I in the late 1970s and early 1980s. I find it really interesting that in the 1950s and 1960s our grandmothers almost universally began potty training before six months. In the 1970s and 1980s, our parents had a hazy notion that it might be possible to catch some of their baby’s waste on a potty, but they disparagingly referred to it as ‘mother training’, as they thought that the method relied solely on hyper-attentiveness combined with lucky timing. By the time we get to the present day, most parents – and even, it seems, most health professionals – have never even heard of such a concept, and believe that potty training before 18 months is ‘physiologically impossible’.
A recent BabyCenter.com poll of around 25,000 parents shows that 61 per cent of parents start potty training after 24 months, with half of those starting after two and a half years. Of those children who had completed potty training, 38 per cent did not complete until after three years.13 Although current health advice is based on Brazelton’s ‘readiness’ paper, in fact, many parents are initiating potty training far later than he originally envisioned. Also, I suspect that the parents in Brazelton’s 1962 study, who started training from 18 to 24 months, were conscious of how ‘late’ they were beginning, and so I expect they were very proactive during the training period.
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