reading

Inhalt

A Word of Caution

My Story

Preface

History

Myths

Part I: Expanding Your Horizons

Anatomy

Bowel Cleansing

Tools

Stretching

Psyche

Positions

Orgasm

Part II: Lending a Hand

The Session: Receptive

The Session: Insertive

Health Matters

Part III: Better Fisting

The Perfect Lube

Toys

Special Techniques

Drugs

Afterword

Fisting Fact Sheet

About the Author

About the Book

Imprint

A Word of Caution

In lots of books, this space is only used to say that though the publisher and author have tested the practices which follow thoroughly and in all conscience, they are not liable for any harm arising from attempts at simulation. This does need to be said, since there’s always some sly dog out there who has the brilliant idea to make other people responsible for his actions. But I’d like to add something important to this: I am healthy, I am capable of thought, I studied at a German university, I’m a state-certified alternative practitioner.

I have lots of respect for the human body, and would never take part in activities that jeopardize my own—or other people’s—health.

As blunt and harsh as it might sound to those who’ve never tried it, I consider letting someone put a fist in your ass to be a safe sexual practice—as long as you know what you’re doing, as long as you practice fisting correctly and cautiously. (You could say the same about driving a car.) Acting cautiously means not just following instructions and tips blindly, but really keeping your wits about you and proceeding mindfully of yourself, of your partner, of bodies, and objects. May this bit of advice accompany and guide you throughout the entire book.

Readers should be aware that fisting is an activity which carries a risk of injury. While we believe that following the guidelines set forth in this book will minimize that risk, the writer and publisher encourage you to be aware that you are taking some risk when you engage in fisting. Neither the author, the publisher, nor anyone else associated with the creation or sale of this book is responsible for any injuries sustained.

My Story

A Bloody Glove

I was horrified. “John. You’re bleeding.”

“Is it bright blood?” he asked as soon as he caught his breath.

I had a hard time hearing him—not just because his head was shoved into the pillow, but because my head was spinning.

“Yes, it’s very bright.”

“Then it’s just a little vein. That happens to me every now and then. Just wait a minute, then keep going!”

There was nothing left for me to do but take a break. I felt as if I were paralyzed. And I stared like the proverbial cat at the (mouse)hole. The blood petered out quite quickly. But so did my arousal.

I was young. It was my first experience with fisting. At the time I was frustrated that there was no how-to manual in which I could have read what to expect while fisting: That some guys like it wilder than I had imagined, that it can seem downright barbaric, that it offers much less action than the simplest fooling around. That during fisting, nothing will happen for minutes, but in terms of arousal it surpasses practically everything you can get into sexually. It would have helped me to know beforehand that blood goes along with fisting almost as naturally as spit with kissing.

After this bloody incident, I left the hotel room in a daze, hearing John turn the lock behind me. In the elevator going down, an image popped into my mind of the maid opening the door in the morning and finding John in bed—having bled to death. And the police would puzzle about it for a long time, how this crime could have occurred despite the fact that the room door was closed from the inside. The autopsy alone would have revealed that this world-famous conductor, husband, father of three children liked to get stuffed after his concerts like a Thanksgiving turkey: with both hands! A catastrophe for his loved ones, who would read about it the next day in the newspaper, but a victory for a sexual practice with an unjust reputation for being violent, dirty, and dangerous.

I always wanted to write down this story—make it into an entertaining crime novel, which might even have found an audience in a heterosexual crowd despite its potential for scandal. But nothing came of it. Instead, I wrote this guide.

Hand and foot: it’s easier when you know how to do it right.

Preface

One Hand in the Rear

Sounds like a western: a showdown in the mountains … why do we actually do this?

Because I was curious to know what experiences other men had had with fisting, I created a profile on GayRomeo (a European dating site similar to Manhunt) looking for interviewees. Not many people got in touch. Most of them were apparently unable to read, since they messaged me looking for a sex partner. Some of them made appointments with me, then never showed up; only a few were ready to share their experiences (thank you all).

In order to collect more first-hand accounts (in the truest sense of the word), I asked around in my circle of acquaintances to see if they knew anyone who would be willing to share their experiences with me—and discovered to my surprise that more of them had their own stories to share than I was expecting.

“It’s hard to describe what’s so special about fisting. The intimacy? The endorphins? It’s somehow comparable to being in love. Fisting gives me something that I couldn’t reach on my own.” (Chris, 64)

Fisting is not just a practice for weirdos anymore. You don’t need to study the profiles on online dating sites to realize that fisting has nearly become mainstream. MisterB, a sex shop operated in Amsterdam and Berlin, has reported a clear increase of younger clientele in recent years seeking out ever-larger dildos. In porn studio Raging Stallion’s films, more younger actors are auditioning for roles in fisting videos. Who knows, maybe Crisco would have gone out of business long ago if there weren’t so many eager fisters.

“I was just excited by the unknown. Somehow I like the idea of doing something the majority does not approve of.” (Georg, 32)

But at the same time, ignorance abounds. Fisting is still stigmatized, and anyone who practices it risks losing their reputation, or even their job. Everything imaginable has been said about this practice and those who engage in it: fisting is perverse, it’s S&M, fisters are HIV-positive (more about this in the Myths chapter).

What Do You Actually Feel While Fisting?

Maybe you’re asking yourself what’s actually so hot about fisting. For one thing, of course, the stretching of your sphincter (oh yeah, you’ll feel that—and how!), for another the stimulation of inner organs (prostate, bladder). But also, above all, the stretching of your intestinal muscles. The actual feeling of being fisted is based on the stretching stimulations received on the intestinal wall.

Since fisting isn’t talked about even among friends, it’s hard to gather facts about the practice. In my interviews, I kept noticing large gaps in knowledge. Even men who have years of experience with fisting battle with the issue of douching—a problem which can be solved quickly with basic anatomical knowledge. And some people still think that when they feel something pulsing in their pelvis, they’re holding the aorta in their hands.

“During fisting, the giving and taking balance out. I’m active, he’s just the fist.” (Jürgen, 53)

This guide is intended not just to help you fist a bit more “correctly” in the future, but also to clear up prejudices and long-antiquated ideas. First, a thorough anatomical guide of all the organs involved will be laid out. I’ve also gathered together the best tips for cleaning out your rectum. Plus I’ll present lots of fun toys and explain how you can make your own lube.

“S&M? Getting fisted makes me reach such deep levels of relaxation that I would describe it more as a type of meditation.” (Mischa, 28)

How This Book Works

I would have preferred to lead you step by step through this topic: first explaining how to rinse out, then how to stretch, then how to find a playmate—and then lead you through a session at the end. But even for simple, fast cleaning it’s important to know the anatomy of your intestinal tract …

So in the end, I split the book into three parts. Before we get on with it, I’d just like to give you an overview of the history of what is perhaps the only sexual practice that gay men have brought into our culture in the last century. In Myths, I will clear up rumors and false ideas about fisting—which will help you to release yourself from blocking emotions and inner taboos.

“When I watch movies where someone sticks their whole arm up there, I get a killer hard-on.” (Peter, 43)

In Part I (Expanding Your Horizons – The Preparations) it’s all about you and how you can prepare yourself for the most intense sex act you’ve probably ever imagined. In Anatomy, I will lead you through the abdomen, since an understanding of how it’s built will keep you from stumbling around in the dark. Afterwards, I will present to you the necessary Tools involved in fisting. And then it’s all about Stretching exercises, which will keep you busy for the next few months. A side trip to the Psyche will show you what states of mind will best supplement your stretching exercises, while an overview of possible and useful positions rounds off the first section. The Orgasm chapter will discuss what you can actually expect while fisting.

In the second section (Lending a Hand – A Beginner’s Guide) it’s about you and your partner, looking at the session from both the insertive and the receptive side, as well as what you need to know as a beginner: for example, how and where to find men to fist with and how you can determine if they’re even suitable for it. In the chapter that follows, I will thoroughly explain the dangers of this kind of sex.

The third section (Better Fisting – An Expert’s Guide) is … well, for experts. If you’ve practiced diligently and made your first experiences, you can read on in this section. But not before, you hear? Turn the page back right away! Fingers off!

Of course that’s a joke. Read this part of the book right away if you like. Maybe this will give you a tempting taste of the “future.” In any case, it will prepare you for everything you’ll encounter out there: drugs, frightening toys, harder practices. Also, the line between beginners and experts can’t be drawn so clearly—a majority of readers won’t even be interested in these so-called “advanced” techniques.

Yes, and in the end you will hopefully be well informed about all facets of this sexual practice, allowing you to experience them safely and pleasurably. Certainly, once you’ve read this guide to the end, you’ll have a very different image of the phrase “a helping hand” …

P.S. You’re going to laugh, but I found no better source of quotes for this fisting guide than Goethe’s Faust. I scattered a few of them throughout this book.

History

From Dr. Faust to Fisting

A 20th century technique with roots in the past

Dildos have been around since ancient times (6th century BC). From artistic representations and descriptions, we can conclude that they were used to stimulate a partner voyeuristically rather than for self-gratification. Even back then, there was a real variety of forms—for example, one painting on a vase depicts a two-headed dildo.

Schon vor über dreitausend Jahren wussten die Ägypter um die luststeigernde Wirkung von Dildos. Im alten China fertigte man Kunstpenisse aus Porzellan. Es folgten Dildos aus Leder, Holz, Wachs und Glas. Heute bestehen diese Sexspielzeuge vorwiegend aus Silikon, PVC, Acrylglas, Aluminium und Edelstahl.

More than three thousand years ago, the Egyptians knew about the pleasure-increasing properties of dildos. The ancient Chinese made artificial penises out of porcelain. Their successors were dildos made out of leather, wood, wax, and glass. Today, these sex toys are primarily made out of silicone, PVC, acrylic glass, aluminum, and stainless steel.

The so-called “dildo” was used in the 18th century as a medicinal tool for widening the vagina before birth. In the same century, the godemiché was invented, which even imitated male ejaculation.

It only seems like a short mental step from penetration with objects to using the hands. Women have been getting fisted for ages, at least vaginally. Nevertheless, it took until the 1980s for this practice to be well known enough for the necessary hardware to be industrially produced and marketed broadly.

American writer Edmund White recalls French philosopher, sociologist, and psychologist Michel Foucault (1926-1984) claiming that fist fucking was the only thing that the 20th century had added to the sexual repertoire. And actually, if you go back in literature, reading Leopold Sacher-Masoch or Walter’s Sex Diary of a Victorian Gentleman, there are no indications that men always liked to get their fists involved. Fisting as a mainstream practice with its own scene, with products developed specifically for it, is a development of the last fifteen years.

If a dildo can fit, there must be room for a hand as well.

Fist fucking is the one thing that the 20th century has added to the sexual repertoire.

Back in 1977, Edmund White and Charles Silverstein wrote about fisting in their book The Joy of Gay Sex. Their first sentence on the subject: “It’s extremely dangerous.” Fisting was widespread enough in America by the end of the ’70s that there was a club for it, the FFA or Fist Fuckers of America. (Funnily enough, there was another very different union with the same initials: Future Farmers of America.) White and Silverstein describe fisting in such detail that it seems they both had lots of experience to draw from: “Despite its obvious, sufficiently publicized dangers, fist fucking is becoming more and more popular, usually as a subcategory of sadomasochism,” they wrote in The Joy of Gay Sex.

Larry Kramer’s controversial 1978 novel Faggots delves deeply into fisting. Robert Mapplethorpe counts among the first who dared to preserve this sex practice photographically and sell the photos as art. Tom Bianchi photographed fist scenes on Fire Island in the beginning of the ’70s. And in his autobiography The Barefoot Prince, actor Knut Koch recalls that fisting came to Europe at the same time as the sling. “As soon as the first saunas hung up slings, people were fisting.”

The fact that fisting is known broadly by its English name points to its origins in the USA. Alternatively it is known as fist fucking or handballing—which sounds a lot more harmless and in my eyes is much more appropriate to the technique, since it generally is a matter of fucking with your hand.

Men have told me that it was very “simple” back then. Apparently, they didn’t think about douching. Cleaning out the bowels was practically part of the game: with the first glove, you emptied them, with the second you stretched them.

San Francisco was the epicenter of this “new trend,” simply because so many gay men moved there from the 1960s on, reaching a population level that allowed for diversification and differentiation of different sexual activities. In the course of the second sexual revolution starting in 1968, fisting was of course something more provocative than kissing or holding hands. It was radical—on a political level, but also on an emotional level.

Up until the ’80s, lots of knowledge was accumulated in the process: how to make enemas more interesting with various ingredients (tea, coffee, drugs), that it’s easier to insert shortening past the sphincter if it’s cooled (so-called “Crisco bunnies”).

With the advent of AIDS, the scene changed. Fisting—like all other kinds of sex between gay men—lost popularity. San Francisco was no longer the center of the gay world. The knowledge that had been gathered was gradually lost.

Since the turn of the century, sex shops stock everything that has been specially developed for fisting: sphincter stretchers, enema devices, lube. In the next chapters we’ll take a look at which of them are useful.